Struggles

It has been almost 4 months since my last post and my life has changed in ways I never could have imagined. University started up again - 3rd year has been tougher than I ever could have thought, mostly because my head has been the furthest from work mode than ever before and I simply haven't been able to get it back on track. I've lost my very best friend and others along with it, and with every day that goes by I find it harder and harder to stay in Farnham for fear of what it will do, is doing, to my sanity. I've found myself hiding away more and more, desperately trying to just get on with work but finding it such a struggle to even focus on what I want to do. The only comfort I have been finding is in my dissertation because I am fully engrossed in a subject I now understand and find wholly interesting, and ultimately my true ambition in life is to write - probably a large part of why I struggle so much with any other work. However, I had a meeting with my head of course who reassured me that I can tie writing into my work if I want to, I don't have to do what everyone else is doing, and it has made me feel slightly better about the next few months because it got to the point where the thought of finishing university seemed impossible - and for me, somebody who never gives up (so very stubborn), the fact that these thoughts were even entering my head was becoming too much to bear. I feel increasingly lonely, sometimes it feels like it's me against the whole world, and some days all I can think about is curling back up and going to sleep because nothing else seems even slightly possible, but I am desperately trying to just take each day as it comes and get on with what I need to to get my degree and move on to the next chapter of my life. All I wish is that some people would respect that and stop trying to make this so much harder for me than it already is. Naive as it may be, I have my fingers crossed that it will be a 'new year, new start'. I can't face another six months of feeling like this.